How to be a Supermom 101

I am a mother of two toddlers aged 2 & 1, with a full-time job and a side-hustle.

On the outside, I look like I’m nailing this motherhood gig. But on the inside, I’m a mess.

The first two years of motherhood hit me like a wrecking ball. Did I even sleep? How did I survive? Who am I? I still have no clue.

Guilt was a constant shadow. As a former overachiever, I felt guilty for underperforming at work and at home. I felt guilty for my body that had changed after birth. I felt guilty for not being the kind of mother I envisioned that I would be - the supermom kind.

The outside world didn’t help much sometimes. Being told that my job appraisal could be affected because of my maternity leaves; being asked questions during multiple job interviews on how many children I have and how I plan to manage work and kids; comments on how I’d put on weight and being told to control my diet to lose weight but also told not to diet because I’m breastfeeding.

Guilt always told me that I will never be a perfect mother, a perfect wife, a perfect employee, a perfect daughter or a perfect daughter-in-law.

Took me two years to figure out that I didn’t have to be a perfect anything. I just had to be a happy one, and everything else would feel perfect.

And it took me a while to find out what would make me a happy person. The answer would probably be different for you. For me, finding a passion project (say hello to Chellamey Books!) made me happy. Finding alone time with my husband; having pockets of time to show undivided attention to my children or my work; doing things to take care of my body and health; all of these made me happy. But most of all, not comparing myself to other mothers made me very, very happy.

Things are not at a perfect balance now as I write. There are days I still struggle in my different roles. But what keeps me grounded is a seemingly simple advice from an ex-colleague: “When you are clear on what’s important, that’ll guide you.”